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Widow Mothers: Deserted to Die! (Part 2)

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Continued from “Widow Mothers: Deserted to Die! (Part 1)

Introduction

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In this part 2 of the article “Widowed Mothers: Deserted to Die!”, we will try to further probe into the lives of widowed mothers.

Let’s dive into the topic, without wasting any more time.

Real Life Incident

The fear of handling bodies of COVID-19 victims is proving no less contagious than the virus itself.

After a 69-year-old woman died due to the infection at 2.30 pm on 05 April 2020, at Fortis hospital in Ludhiana (India), not only did the family refuse to claim her body, but it also kept a safe distance from her final rites by declining to step inside the cremation ground.

The 69-year-old’s body was claimed by the district administration after the family flatly refused to do so, and the cremation performed with their assistance after repeated requests to the family to step forward were cold-shouldered.

Speaking to The Indian Express, Jagsir Singh, said, “What happened was heartbreaking and shocking for us too. For hours, her family did not come to claim the body at Fortis Hospital. There was a bill of Rs 3.5 lakh which they said that they will not pay and we agreed. The Deputy Commissioner ordered that administration will clear the bill but at least the family should claim the body for the last rites but they refused to do that also. Till nearly 5 pm, we kept waiting that someone from the family will claim the body but they did not arrive at the hospital… I reached the hospital and claimed body on the administration’s behalf.”

After hours of wait around 8.30 pm, three members of her family finally came and kept sitting outside in a car.

They were treating the body like an unclaimed or unidentified one as if they did not know their own mother.

They clearly said that body is the responsibility for administration and it doesn’t matter to them if it is cremated or not. When we asked them the reason, they did not say anything.

After all, efforts to convince the family to fail, the administration made a cremation ground worker wear a protective suit and light the pyre at around 10 pm.

They just kept saying that we won’t go near the body and that it is the responsibility of the administration.

The 69-year-old lived with her one son in Shimlapuri, while her second son lives in Canada.

She is also survived by a daughter.

The woman had gone to her niece’s house in Mohali on March 17 where she fell sick on March 23 and was shifted to Fortis, Ludhiana on March 30. She died on Sunday due to cardiac arrest.

When The Indian Express contacted the family, her son’s mobile phone was picked up by his wife (victim’s daughter-in-law). Asked about the administration’s claims, she said: “That’s untrue. We do not want to say anything further.”

Revolution Necessary to Habilitate Abandoned Mothers?

Women – Core of Family and Society. They are the birth givers, the nurtures, and the ones that pass on values to the next generation.

In our quest for excellence and success, we often leave the age-old values of respect to the elders and responsibility towards them behind.

All of us want our children to do well.

We put the effort into the upbringing but sometimes the hustle and bustle of life and the fact that women always put their children first and surprisingly make the child disregard the mother’s importance in their life. 

Therefore, they take her for granted and have no qualms in putting her aside when they find her old and feeble.

Illogical Concepts. We want our daughters to be looked after by their husbands and get substantial satisfaction when are dominant in their homes.

What remains forgotten is that the daughter-in-law (who happens to be someone’s daughter too), who is staying with us under the same roof, also looks for the same rights in her new home. Phew!

The tussle can end if women were empowered to be financially independent.

The young woman who is to step into marriage should be taught by her mother that it is important to have financial security. Mothers and mothers-in-law are the ones who can spearhead this drive.

Need for the Hour

The need of the hour has been partly addressed by our judiciary.

The parents now have the right to force their children to look after them in their old age, but how many mothers have the heart to sue their own child?
Widowed Mothers

Let us first talk of a woman who has been married for some years and is raising a family.

The housewife can raise children with values that respect womanhood.

Her sons should be raised to respect his life partner and her daughter should be raised to be financially empowered.
Strong mothers raise strong children and are the backbone for the development of a strong society.

Learn Finances. In the process, always know your family finances.

Your husband’s income, investments, and assets should be known to you. Apply to every saving instrument jointly with your husband.

There is no harm in being aware of all the finances, bank accounts, properties, stocks, other investments, etc. Even the passwords of your husband’s email accounts and internet banking accounts shall be known to wives.

Anyone or Survivor. The “Anyone or survivor” clause has changed the future of many a widow.

Great Loss! The grief of losing a beloved husband is huge. It is compounded by the loss of income and financial stability. 

The property accumulated by the husband and the wife through a lifetime of hard work and saving should be the right of the woman left alone. 

The parents (which includes the old mother) has already sacrificed a lot of their wants and aspirations for their children.

The education of the child, higher education, and the marriages of children take a financial toll on the parents.

A substantial amount is spent on them and the “mother is often the person who is left with very little”.

The children are adults by this time with good education and are well settled in their lives. 

The assets, money, the home should ideally be transferred to the widow to do as she deems fit.

Ideal situation

Social Obligations. Our experience says that society needs to do an about-turn in how women, especially housewives are treated.

Till her husband is alive the woman has few problems and is shielded from the pain that is the outside world.

Money is Only Honey. In all honesty, money does play an important role in the way the widow chalks out her life.

In an ideal situation, the entire estate should be in the possession of the mother as she and her husband have already provided well for the children by this time. 

So, there is an urgent need for a law where it becomes mandatory for the widowed mother to take over full control of the property and finances from her dead husbands, without any questions asked.
Widowed Mothers

Self Respect. This is a really good idea as the woman can then use the money as her security.

If needed, she can exercise her choice to help her children with money, she can do so.

The woman can now use the money to live the same lifestyle that she has always enjoyed when her husband was alive.

The children might not have the same respect for the mother if she is financially dependent on them. But, money has a lot of power and if the woman has money she can actually be independent.

Mother’s “Will”. She can then make her own will and pass the remaining assets left over after her lifetime.

This will ensure that the remaining assets are not squandered but passed on to her children.

Her sentiments are looked after but with her dignity and independence in place.

This also ensures that the children do not get the chance to throw her out of their lives and homes after the father has passed away. After all, they stand to inherit if they treat her well.

After Mother. It should be the mother’s prerogative what to do with the assets once she is no longer alive.

The first lookout should be that the mother is not wanting for anything. If she has been aware of the husband’s investments the lady can plan her future to be secure. 

A large amount has already been spent on the children and the woman has the full right to retain the amount that is left over. The right thing to do is that a will should legally entrust the husband’s assets to the wife.

Financial Independence

Self Importance. You are young and idealistic and looking forward to married life and children.

This is a beautiful time in your life. But there are some things that you need to make a part of your life.

There needs to be one central figure in your life and that is you yourself. It is important to live for yourself.

You need to have interests in life but keeping a house, raising children, and being a wife.

Finances and Relative IndependenceIt is very important to be financially independent for a woman.

I firmly believe that you grow in confidence and wisdom when you have a life outside the home. You can give your children a better lifestyle.
Widowed Mothers

Husbands bewareYour wife has looked after your requirements until your last breath. So, it’s your duty to ensure that all your properties and savings are transferred to your wife. You can even write a “Will” in that effect.

Working Ladies. The dual-income family has been happier than single income ones.

Studies show that children of working mothers are more independent and successful than children of housewives.

The children raised by successful working women are often more balanced and tend to respect their mothers more.

The nest egg that you manage to build will allow you to enjoy your old age with dignity and independence.

Once the lady is working and gets money in her own hands, then her finances are tuned automatically.

She happens to be smarter in life and finances than her housewives counterparts.

Widowed. The home is happier and the children moving away does not cause more pain than necessary as the mother always has something to fall back on.

The friends that she makes at her workplace are there to support her when she needs support.

Even the worst of times, grief at losing her life partner does not leave her utterly alone.

She has emotional support and that makes her feel less in need and clingy where her children are concerned.

Always remember to have friends that you can depend on.

The mother who has no dependence on her children is often better tolerated and loved in her lonely years.

Working and Happy. There is also a chance that a woman will be more respected by her in-laws when she works and earns.

The money that she earns is respected and so is the aura of independence and confidence that she gains when she is financially independent.

Today’s woman is fiercely independent, educated, and aware.

Yes, you need to give time and care to your family, but always make time for yourself.

It is important to keep the person in the mirror happy.

Straight From Horses’ Mouth

We are sure you will not believe this problem to its roots and assume that your kids will take care of you till your last breath, even if your husband dies before you.

But before assuming further please see what is happening to widowed mothers, who have been deserted by their financially affluent sons/ daughters, to live in some old age home and wait for their death.

CourtesyYoutube

Conclusion

Self Life. A happy woman keeps her spouse happy and stress-free.

She raises happy children who love her and grow up with good values. Take care of yourself and give yourself time.

Look after your health as it is a key to happiness when you grow older.

Have a hobby, enjoy life to the fullest.

Documentation. Take good care to keep the documentation to your and your husband’s assets in place.

Do remember that the best gifts you can give your children are a good education and your own retirement plan. 

If you are not dependent financially or emotionally on your children, they will look at you differently.

You will never be a burden they have to carry or look to abandon.

Wake Up! So, take those steps today. Look after your financial, emotional, and physical health today to ensure that you can live life on your own terms even after you lose your spouse later in life.

Be independent of your children, so they crave your company. 

Keep your and your husband’s money safe and your “Will” well documented.

These small steps will ensure minimal disputes and lots of respect when you need them.

A full life ensures a lifetime of joy.

You may be lonely when you are left alone but will never be helpless and dependent if you look after your assets, both financial and otherwise in good shape.

Thank you for spending some time with us!

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Team Explicit Facts have compiled more few articles wherein we have discussed the problems of Pregnancy Blues and New Mothers Business Part 1 and Part 2.

Now before, you leave our website, we are curious.

Don’t old mothers deserve some love and respect during her last phase of her life?

Are her sacrifices total waste and don’t need to be reciprocated back in her old age?

Are our kids not watching the way we treat our parents? Will they also not repeat the same behavior with us?

With such incidents, do you feel that in today’s world we need to have babies and ensure good upbringing?

Please let us know in the comments below because we’ll be browsing it intensely to see your perspective on this.

Share your story with us in the comment section below…. we will be right there with you.

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https://indianexpress.com/article/india/coronavirus-cases-covid-19-deaths-final-rites-punjab-6350791/

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