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Orgasm: A Distant Dream? (Part 1)

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A Distant Dream?

Introduction

Hello Explicit Facter!

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We all feel the thunders of taboo, whenever we hear the topic related to sex and orgasm.

But, do we agree that orgasm is the unexplored area for women?

Let’s dive into the topic, without wasting any further time.

Anonymous, But True Confession

A brave lady shared her brave description of her sexuality, which just blew off our mind. We could not stop us from starting this article from that confession, mentioned below.

“I have many such dirtiest secrets.

I am a sex addict!

My boss has been fucking me from last 1 yr and I am his sex slave.

I am getting promotions and increments, not on the basis of my performance, but for spreading my legs for my managers.

I am 24 yrs old but I have my own car and 1 BHK flat in Pune, just because of my beauty and getting laid with Rich people.

Once in a month, I Am sleeping with businessmen or with the politicians and charging heavy money from them.

I don’t feel bad or guilty for all of the above as I truly believe that Pussy is not given only for peeing and bleeding. It is a tool gifted to the women to climb the mountains of success. Use it wisely.

Keep spreading..!

Expectations

The moans and sighs often belie, what is actually going on in a woman’s mind and body, when she is in the throes of passion.

The fervor of orgasm is not only physical but also requires a mental bond with her partner to reach a true climax.

orgasm

RealityMany an Indian woman is not aware of the needs of her body and looks at orgasms as a luxury that sexual congress may never provide.

The culprit behind this phenomenon could be the pressure of gender inequality.

The woman was always seen as a chattel in most communities.

Wives were taught to be submissive, marital rape is not even an offence in this country.

It could be the tendency towards an arranged marriage, where the girl is but a commodity to be married off with a fat dowry that allows the man to dominate.

Some Unanswered Questions

Have you ever come across any man feeling worried about the fact of whether his wife or partner has experienced orgasm ever?

Is orgasm only man’s cup of tea and its the responsibility of women to ensure a 100% success rate every time in action?

Is there any course or syllabus in school or college which informs women about orgasm or its importance?

The next step for marriage is the “first night”, and the whole world is aware that the groom and bride will have sex for the first time (Indian assumption!).

But anyone from parents from both families ever cares to talk to the newlywed couple to ensure that first experience ends up in the best experience? It is conveniently assumed that everything will be fine!

Do parents ever care to find out what type of performance happened between the bride and groom during the first night? If something went wrong then how to solve the issue?

Background

The vast majority of Indians still believe in a patriarchal system of society.

This comes as no surprise in our country as the gender divide is yawning even from birth. The girls are generally asked to be subservient to their brothers.

orgasm

Higher education is still skewed towards the male child, as he is seen as the provider and the wife is seen as the homemaker.

Perceptions may be a little fluid in metropolitan cities but the popular mindset is male-centric.

The quintessential societal norm is that the girls follow the lead of their male counterparts. This may sound archaic but it is true.

Matrimonial Blockades. Marriages are deemed as destined.

It may be a love marriage (which is still not the norm) or an arranged marriage, the groom’s side is still the dominant one. This is prevalent even in urban India.

A study, on how many men have shifted to another city for the sake of the wife’s career and how many women have sacrificed their careers for the sake of their spouses makes the situation glaringly clear.

There is a lack of awareness of sex.

The culprit behind this is the mindset of Indian parents who bring you repressed and cloistered children.

There is no sex education or open talk about relationships and what they entail with children. These impressionable minds seek knowledge outside.

There is a danger of sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy because of a lack of awareness.

These complications can be there, even when the girl is in a relationship where she neither is comfortable with the sexual encounters and orgasms, also the pleasure is definitely not the flavor of the day.

Is your Biological Clock Ticking? The times are changing in Urban India with more and more men and women opting to marry late. This may be to pursue higher education or a career.

The trend to marry in the ’30s or even 40s has led to a spate of issues that were non-existent even a couple of decades ago.

The urge to put education to good use precedes the urge to settle down.

This definitely does not mean that biological needs are not making their presence felt.

Pre-marital consensual sex is common today.

There are many instances when the relationship is not strong fundamentally but the lure of physical satisfaction is too much to ignore.

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First Night with a Stranger!. Half-baked ideas about sex and the pressure from the man’s side to consummate the relationship creates a situation, where the girl rushes into a sexual encounter on her “Wedding Night”.

It sounds a little weird that you get married to a complete stranger and are expected to be sexually intimate with him soon after. But, unfortunately, it is common in our country.

Many a time, parents are completing their familial duty by ‘settling’ their daughters down. This may lead to a life of compromise and strife.

This topic has been elaborately covered in Sleep with a Stranger? Arrange Marriage! (Part 1 and Part 2)

Resultant ImpactThe compromise is not only on the quality of life but also on the intimacy of the couple.

If the sex was uncomfortable or in worst-case scenarios forced, the couple’s happiness is marred for life.

The marriage bed makes for nearly 50% of the marriage vows.

The couples who do not have a healthy sex life suffer from many issues.

Many compromises and sacrifices become palatable when love is there.

Unhappy Marriages. When your sex life is not satisfactory, irritability and frustration sets in.

You are not happy in your marriage and the cracks become visible.

The constant strain of keeping your unhappiness from your spouse makes life unbearable.

orgasm

Working women may feel the strain more as loneliness and monotony sets in. Professional life may also suffer.

Delayed Pregnancies. The pressure to have a child is also huge when you marry late. The couple may have to face the relatives and parents who can be relentless in their nagging.

Baby – Bundle of Stress. The new member (baby) in your family gives you much joy but also changes the relationship you share with your spouse.

The role of New Mothers (Part 1 and Part 2) is really taxing.

Busy parents lose interest in personal relationships for some time and in many an Indian marriage scenario forever.

This may lead to inadequate sex lives as the baby takes up most of your time and energy.

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Baby Again? Repeated pregnancies, in short, is a huge strain (in anticipation of a male child) on the woman’s body to conceive and deliver a baby.

It is important that she regains physical and mental agility without getting overwhelmed with a second pregnancy.

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It may also stress the family financially.

This leads to frayed nerves, uncertain tempers and ultimately anger.

This may cause the sex life to be unfruitful, and then the vicious cycle gets even worse.

Trigger Point. These dire situations can be the precursor to extra-marital sex or relationships.

This is an increasingly common phenomenon today and the root cause is sexual dissatisfaction.

Lack of sex or unsatisfactory sex has been known to even lead to divorce in extreme cases.

orgasm

Future Impact. The constant friction between the parents leaves the children traumatized and scared, which may set into motion a chain of events that leaves the entire family broken and shattered.

The basic problem is lack of orgasms and we fail to read the signs!

Final Outcome of this Chaos

Most women don’t know what an orgasm is. 

There are no actual signs like ejaculation (in men) that are the same for all women.

The general sensation of pleasure may be termed as an orgasm.

Background stress created by a lack of orgasms can be very detrimental to female health.

Orgasms are the font of youth. They release good hormones, relieve stress, and keep the skin and mood happy.

So, what happens when you feel that something is missing every time you have sex?

You develop stress and depression or other ailments like diabetes. These are debilitating diseases that feed more unhealthy traits.

Sex is just not the act of physical copulation. Intimacy is more in the mind.

A couple who is in emotional sync with each other is more likely to have mind-blowing sex.

A man reaches orgasm by ejaculating, but it is more complex in women.

orgasm

Female orgasms also have an emotional component.

You need to feel comfortable and loved before you can lower your defenses and let yourself seek fulfillment.

This brings to mind the often-heard quote – “Man needs a space for sex but a woman needs a reason.”

Understanding Orgasm

Some women might come by manipulating the clitoris, while others may need some other form of stimulation.

Foreplay plays an important role in triggering an orgasm.

Women need more time to come than men and so are often left high and dry (pun intended).

Orgasms are of 3 types:-

(a) Vaginal orgasms happen during intercourse.

(b) Clitoral orgasms happen when the clitoris is pleasured.

(c) Blended ones need both.

orgasm

The physiology lesson apart, orgasms are a state of mind too.

Some women can achieve orgasm by stimulating the nipples too.

The G-spot. This is also called the Gräfenberg spot (for German gynecologist Ernst Gräfenberg), is characterized as an erogenous area of the vagina that, when stimulated, may lead to strong sexual arousal, powerful orgasms, and potential female ejaculation.

orgasm

How to trace G Spot? Put lube on your middle finger and insert it into your vagina with your palm facing up. 

Your Gspot is on the top wall of your vagina halfway between your vaginal opening and cervix.

The spot should feel a little rough, almost like the surface of a walnut.

How to arouse G Spot? You must be sexually aroused to be able to locate your Gspot.

To find it, try rubbing your finger in a beckoning motion, along the roof of your vagina, while you’re in a squatting or sitting position, or have your partner massage the upper surface of your vagina until you notice a particularly sensitive area.

Erogenous zones may be manipulated to create a feeling of falling apart, shattering into pieces, becoming boneless and so on. All women describe orgasm differently.

The orgasm has been a topic of discussion in many forums as there is a class of women who want that women should be empowered to feel orgasms and ask for it during sex.

orgasm

Orgasms are nature’s way of helping you relax, fight stress and even headaches.

The process releases hormones that aid health and fight depression.

It is every woman’s right and awareness needs to be spread about it.

Courtesy – Youtube

Explicit Truth: Are you faking Orgasm?

If the sexual act is mechanical and you look at it as a chore to complete, you might be tempted to fake it.

The trick is to know what your body needs and to ensure fulfillment.

Is sex boring and unfulfilling? That may prompt many women to fake the orgasm.

We know that we have done so on many occasions only to get it over with as we had a long and tiring day.

orgasm

The women often feel the need to keep male egos satisfied and fake orgasms.

This makes their partner feel good and more manly about their prowess in bed.

This is wrong! 

Your partner needs to know. It is not wrong to talk about your pleasure or lack of mood with your partner.

You do own your body and should have the right to use it when you want for sex.

Does your partner even care?

Guilt in a woman asking for pleasure is common. Indian men are repressive about sex.

It is simply an act to relieve frustration and becomes a selfish act.

orgasm
There is little education that women need and should receive pleasure too.

Talking about sex is considered dirty.

Your partner may never know your desires and cravings.

You may never have a common fantasy.

Slutty Act. It is a social prejudice that is ingrained in Indian women that they are not to ask for pleasure. It may make them seem amoral. Men often see women who ask for pleasure openly as slutty and may demean them.

Continued at “Orgasm: A Distant Dream? (Part 2)

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