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In continuation with the part 1 of the article “New Mothers: A Journey on Lonely Road!” we will try to explore the life of new mothers even deeper.
Let’s dive into the topic without wasting any time.
If no effort is made the relationship stumbles. There is no fun in the marriage any more.
Frustrations creep in and dissatisfaction comes into play.
Problems of PPD have already been explained in depth.
Excuse. The baby may become a convenient excuse for the parents to avoid marital relations. The mother may cite tiredness, and the father is out of depth. The rift becomes untenable after a while and the intimacy fizzles out.
Food for Thought
It should be understood that nature gives full nine months to the would-be parents to prepare for the arrival of new baby, financially, mentally, and socially.
Planned or Accidental. It is very important that the baby should be planned and not conceived as an accident. This issue clearly defines the “Rules of First Night” and thereafter.
Forced into Parenting. In many households, the couple is shunted if the wife doesn’t get pregnant before her second marriage anniversary.
The fourth anniversary without a child will raise good questions regarding sexual compatibility between the couple.
It sounds difficult but couples who have forged a strong bond and realize that a strong marriage can be boons for happy familial bonding do make the effort of regaining the closeness.
Mentality. The mental state of the parents, the financial outlay, and the possibility of familial help should be considered before taking the plunge.
Child-rearing is not a job that should be undertaken when you are unprepared.
Changes. It is important that your husband is aware of the hormonal and emotional upheavals that are a part of pregnancy and the postpartum period.
For Would-be-Fathers. It is good to include him in doctor visits, scans, and other prenatal classes as the pregnancy advances.
The father may otherwise feel a disconnect with the pregnancy and may not be as responsive or sensitive to your mood swings and erratic cravings.
If Old is Gold. There may be a positive side to the situation if parents are supportive and take care of the baby to give the parents some alone time for themselves. Hunting for Lost Romance?
There are many ways to ensure that you make time for each other and your sex life can resume with a better understanding and commitment to mutual pleasure.
1. Mindset. The first step is to ensure that the thought process of both partners is the same.
If both partners are equally committed to raising the baby, sharing chores, planning for the future, and resuming normal marital activities it is easily done.
2. It is OK to Seek Help. It could be forthcoming from the immediate family, friends or even professional caregivers. Parents of either partner are generally happy to pitch in.
This also is very healthy for the child as they have prior experience in handling a baby.
The load on the mother reduces and she can try getting her marital life in sync.
So, daughters-in-law to note, before fighting with their mothers-in-law!
3. Professional or Paid Help. If the family is not available at this time you could look for professional ayah services to help you cope.
Be very cautious about hiring them from a reputed agency.
4. In-house Surveillance. Security measures like installing CC Tv cameras in the baby’s room is important.
In this way, you can be free to go out for a few hours or catch up on your sleep.
A respite from unending chores can also help in getting the new mother in a good mood for getting intimate with her partner.
5. Creche. Once the baby is older, you can look at reputed and verified crèche services so that you can get back to work.
It is surprising but most working women lose a lot of stress when they feel productive in their work sphere again.
This feeling will automatically translate into a feel-good factor and help you regain the lost Mojo in your bedroom too.
6. Time Management. It is important that you are on the same page with your partner about time management.
It is imperative that you take time outs from the care of the baby and spend some time together.
It could be an outing or even a snuggle in front of the Tv or a date in the real sense.
7. Baby’s Independence. When the baby is a few weeks old do shift her to a separate crib or even a separate room if you are comfortable.
Baby monitors can solve the hesitance as you can hear the baby all the time, while she is secure in her room/ crib.
8. Personal Talks. Talking only about the baby is a common trait that new parents have.
This is dangerous for a romantic relationship. The parents do not indulge in personal talk, and romance is forgotten.
The smart option is to set aside an hour that is sacrosanct to you both.
DO NOT talk about the baby and other related matters.
This will set the tone for a romantic evening and get your sex life back on track.
It does not really help when most conversations are now centered around the child and not the couple’s own lives.
9. Maternal Beauty. It is quite common for new mothers to have reservations about how their bodies look at the end of a pregnancy and childbirth.
The husband should assure her that she is as beautiful as before.
Her desirability should never be in doubt.
A woman loses her confidence when she notices stretch marks on her belly, has slack skin, and maybe a scar from a cesarean section.
It is a delicate matter as the woman is vulnerable at this time and has a difficult time adjusting back in regular sex life after the relationship dynamics have changed.
The partner’s support is the glue that binds the love together.
10. Re-ignite Lost Love. It is important that both partners should affirm their love for each other frequently.
The words do mean a lot and need to be said to strengthen the bonds of love.
It’s God’s Gift. Your pregnancy is a time that is God’s gift to prepare for birth and bringing up the child.
This is a period that needs to be used judiciously to meticulously plan the coming of the child.
The financial plan needs to be in place.
Health is Wealth. The mother needs to be healthy and take precautions on her diet, medication, and general fitness goals that need to be met.
Go for walks together, make a routine where you can spend a lot of ‘us’ time during the pregnancy.
Shopping Together. Do up the nursery together and buy things for the baby together.
The period is a beautiful one and should be enjoyed to the fullest. It is after all the lull before the storm!
The baby brings a lot of joy and cheer.
The love that you feel for the little one will forge a new bond of togetherness in the couple.
They see dreams for the baby together and try to build a future for him/ her.
Matured Life. It is a happy period for the couple and they need maturity to grow into parents.
If the planning on health, nutrition, finances, and other details is well-done pregnancy and motherhood can be a time when the couple draws closer.
It is a time of reaffirmation of love.
The love that they share becomes stronger.
Always remember to be a couple first.
The child came into your life because of the love you share, so your relationship should be the inspiration and role model of her life.
It is sobering to remember that a child can either reignite your relationship or make it stagnant. It is in your hands to keep the flame alive. Your time with your partner should be a priority.
Bonus Explicit Fact: Don’t kill yourself or your married life for the sake of the newborn baby. Why? Because when they will grow up, after getting a dream job, they will fly off to their Dream Land, with the love of their life. When you will try to stop them, then they may show you the middle finger and may make you realize that: –
1. You never loved them.
2. They feel choked out in your company. They feel happier, more loved (both emotionally and physically), and secured in the company of their boyfriend or girlfriend.
3. Life is much better without you and outside this country.
4. In case you don’t allow love marriage and force them to marry the spouse of your choice, then they (relevant to both girl and boy) will make your life hell. They will make you realize that you (and your spouse) are the old (by then you will be old and weak) and rotten piece of crap, who are breathing and living on their mercy.
5. If they force their way into love marriage then their spouse will remember your tantrums for creating obstacles in their marriage, for the rest of their lives. They will ensure that your life turns into hell until your last breath.
Moral of the story: Let motherhood be a small bend on your life’s road! Not the END of the Road called “Life”!
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