As soon as the wedding gets over, the actual problems start the very next moment.
All the expenditures are calculated, as the existing wedding loans from banks and other relatives are waiting to be repaid. Now, what to do?
Parents are often at the last leg of their career or are already retired at this point.
The pension, if there is one at all, is only 50% of the total salary the family has earned till date.
They have a good part of their life already ahead of them, in addition to various lifestyle ailments such as diabetes, depression, cancer, etc., which also require a good amount of money for treatment.
Nude Show! Once the wedding ceremony is over, millions of rupees have been busted over wedding preparations, money that her parents saved up by living a life of constrains, her soul starts crying in pain.
She also knows that whatever her father is doing or has done is under the influence of social pressure that he could not withstand.
Nuclear Way. With families slowly shifting to a nuclear set-up, the son or daughter will soon shift out after the wedding to start their own nuclear family.
With all their savings already busted over the wedding celebrations, the fun now starts!
In a shocking and first such incident, a head priest of Tirumala Tirupati Devasthanams (TTD) confessed to stealing ornaments from the temple to get his daughters married.
The accused, identified as Kattu Venkata Ramana Dikshitulu, was the head priest of Lord Sri Kodanda Ramaswamy temple in Tirupati.
The incident came to light after the priest was questioned by TTD officials when they found ornaments worth nearly Rs 10 lakh missing during the stock-taking of the temple jewelry. ‘I know, I have committed a crime.
I have three daughters and poverty forced me to do this,’ the priest said.
Even the agents of Gods are not spared from this form of stupidity and the harsh reality of the double standards of the society!
Natural Gift. Girls are supposed to be very emotional about their parents (especially fathers) and are blessed with a mental antenna that can sense even those signals which appear to be irrelevant for boys.
After the wedding gets over, she moves with her husband, but still keeps getting worried about the well-being of her parents.
She is very aware that her parents have spent all their life savings over her wedding ceremonies and now, with the ever-increasing cost of living and the existing medical ailments, their life will be tougher.
Forced Expenditure. In case the boy’s family forces the girl’s family to make extravagant spendings over the wedding celebration, the problem escalates further.
A girl is forced to remain quiet despite the issues surrounding her, but at the bottom of her heart, she knows quite clearly who is responsible for forcing her parents to spill out their pockets far over their means or capabilities.
Although she remains silent all through the wedding celebration, she remembers it for a long time after, when all the people responsible for her pain are held accountable and are punished.
Husbands are generally spared. But life starts taking a toll on the boy’s parents.
After 5 to 10 years of marriage, the result starts becoming visible, with the splitting of the son from his parents.
Bride’s Withdrawal. Instead of enjoying their new life, especially the girls who shift abroad after getting married, their mind space is filled up with concern for their parents and their financial hardship.
Since her husband and his family have their own lives to struggle through, they never try to get back to the girl’s parents to find out if they are okay.
It is mostly assumed that they are fine and will manage.
She has no one at her new home to share her emotional blues with, thus suffering in isolation without any clarity about the financial status of her parents.
More Girls? In case the bride has a younger sister or sisters, the cruel dance starts all over again.
She has seen the dance at her own wedding and can very well imagine what will be happening next.
Problem Escalates. Slowly, the bride starts withdrawing herself from active married life, giving the husband all the reasons to be confused. Sometimes, the husband starts feeling that his arranged wife is an idiot who has got some psychological problems (resulting in physical problems too) and starts feeling the unseen pain in his own life.
This situation is very confusing for both of them. In fact, for everyone.
Few More Questions
1. Which religious book or constitution dictates the requirement of parents to spend millions over wedding celebrations? No idea!
2. What exactly have or will your parents gain by spending millions on your wedding? No clue!
4. Will such an extravaganza help the couple in maintaining a luxurious life? Definitely not!
5. How will the attendance of more than 300 guests, devouring food at a rate of Rs 400 per plate, help the newlywed couple in having a good future?
Many people will say that for a happy marriage, the blessings of all the loved ones are required. Very true!
But will such sacred blessings be showered on the new couple only in exchange of millions being spent at the wedding with a plate of food valuing more than Rs 400 (going up to Rs 5000 in some cases)?
All food consumed during the wedding has to go down the shitpot eventually! No one can carry that expensive food in their stomach for more than one night!
6. Of all the guests who attend your wedding ceremony, how many are actually known to you? Do you even remember all of their names while seeking their blessings at the stage?
8. Is it not a good idea then to gift the newly-wed couple with money so that they don’t have to worry about it for a while to come?
They can spend that money on their honeymoon or their future life together without worries.
Maybe they wish to have a luxury car or an exotic extended honeymoon!
9. Do the existing wedding malpractices show the social immaturity of one of the oldest civilizations of the world?
In the days of ostentatious weddings, with even middle-class families spending lakhs of rupees on them, an Indian Administrative Services (IAS) officer from Andhra is setting a great example for others to follow. Patnala Basanth Kumar, Commissioner at the Visakhapatnam Metropolitan Region Development Authority (VMRDA), spent only Rs 36,000 for the wedding of his son.
The families of the bridegroom and the bride made a total expenditure of only Rs 18,000 each on the ceremony, including the lunch for the guests. In 2017, Basanth Kumar had also hosted his daughter’s wedding with equal simplicity, spending only Rs 16,100 on it.
People say that he is setting a good example at a time when many families are wasting huge amounts of money on weddings, making them the occasion for a vulgar display of wealth.
Why can’t we do this too? Again, the million-dollar-question arises.
1. If this IAS officer can be mature enough to spend only Rs 36,000 and Rs 18,000 on his son’s and daughter’s weddings respectively, what stops us from following in his footsteps?
2. Are we too stupid to understand the basic mathematics and requirements of the newly wedded couple?
3. Do we require to crack the Indian Administrative Services Examination first to understand this basic equation of life?
After getting married and being blessed with kids, life throws new problems at the couple, such as buying a new house (requiring home loans), a bigger vehicle for all to move together (requiring a vehicle loan), good education for the kids (bringing on an education loan), etc.
Life becomes tough.
The parents need to think many times before buying a bungalow, a luxury car, or sending the kids to premium schools, but suddenly, when the kids reach a marriageable age, the whole thought process changes.
Suddenly, both parents become too extravagant and spend money as if there is no limit.
Once the kids are educated, start earning well at their jobs, have their own social circle, why does this requirement of busting up all your life’s savings over their weddings even exist?
They are grown-ups and have their own dreams and ideas about enjoying their marriage and life generally.
Why can’t we leave the couple alone then?
Let them decide the details of this once-in-a-lifetime event and resolve issues such as:
Who to marry?
When to marry?
How to marry?
Where to marry?
Where to have the honeymoon?
How much to spend on the wedding?
Old Mistakes. During the old times when our parents got married, nothing was asked from them, their opinion didn’t matter.
But that doesn’t mean that present-day parents should also force their kids to be the same.
Trust your girl or boy. Today, most girls and boys are well educated. With the internet being used in its best form today, they are well-informed.
With a graduation degree and a job in hand, they know how to deal with life and the people around them.
Let them differentiate right from wrong using their own wits.
Explicit Truth. If you believe that a couple needs to manage their married life on their own, why not let them decide what kind of wedding celebration they want too.
You have already lived through the best years of your life, but they have theirs still ahead of them.
Save your hard-earned money for your and your spouse’s retirement instead of wasting it over unwanted wedding celebrations.
Weddings should be simpler and more about the union of two souls instead of a fake social dance!
A girl will have a more relaxed married life with less guilt over having busted her parents’ life-savings for her wedding celebration, further reducing the chance of marital disharmony in the future!
Life, by itself, is too complicated and full of surprises. Let’s not complicate it further with our own stupidity!
Also, marriage has more relevance in terms of great sex and soul-to-soul compatibility than an unwarranted social show in the form of extravagant wedding ceremonies!
We hope that a day will come when all these unwarranted wedding-related expenses will be shunned by one and all, and an Income Tax raid will be an automatic outcome for those making unrealistic wedding expenditures.
Over-expenditure for weddings will be looked down upon.
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