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Arranged Marriage: A Failed Concept? (Part 3)

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Continued from Arranged Marriage: A Failed Concept (Part 2)

Ancient Tricks in Arranged Marriages?

Introduction

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Under the agreement of arranged marriages first, the parents of girls and boys, meet each other.

A lot of issues are discussed, while discussing a marriage proposal, like the job, educational qualifications, future, etc.

These proposal discussions for Arranged Marriages (Part 1 and Part 2) are nothing more than the Annual Function of a Kindergarten School, where everyone is playing an active role in the Fancy Dress Competition.

Every nonimportant issue is discussed during the meeting for arranged marriages, except those important things which have actual relevance in married life.

So, without wasting any further time, let’s dive into the main topic.

Arranged Marriage: A Failed Concept? (Part 3)

Incident – 1

Courtesy: Youtube

Incident – 2

Fed up with being harassed over dowry demands, the family members of a girl in Lucknow tonsured (or shaved the head) the groom, his father, and the brother on Sunday.

marriages

The police had to step in to control the protests in the Karimnagar area of the city. The bride’s family has filed a police complaint after the incident.

The groom’s family had been increasing their demands every day for the last week, said the bride’s father, who is a vegetable vendor.

“They made these demands five days before the wedding. He refused to marry the girl after we said we can’t meet his demands. Don’t know who tonsured his head,” the bride’s grandmother told.

The groom demanded a motorcycle as a dowry. But when he was given one, he did not like the brand and wanted something else.

The bride’s father agreed to give him the motorcycle of his choice but when he demanded a gold necklace on the wedding day, hell broke loose.

The groom and his father and brother were rounded up and taken to a park nearby and tonsured, said the neighbours. The three were later handed over to the police.

The members of the bride’s family told news agency ANI that the groom and his relatives were drunk and had misbehaved with them.

Now let’s see some important parameters, which affect the success or failure of marriage agreements.

How Marriage Proposals are Evaluated?

Horoscope – Prediction for Marriage’s SuccessIf both families are rich, then the best show is put up by both parties.

In case one of them is rich, then the lesser rich party will try to project very rosy pictures to show themselves as a deserving match for their son or daughter.

Horoscopes of both girls and boys are matched.

If there is an issue in the horoscope of anyone or both parties, but both parties want to go ahead with the proposal, then pundits or pujaris are bribed to make NECESSARY CHANGES in the horoscopes in hand, so as to rectify the defect and match it with the horoscope of the other one.

In some surprising cases, we have seen the boy’s mother also try to match her own horoscope with that of girl, so as to get to her own future with that girl, after the boy’s marriage.

For Example, will the girl take care of her, will she touch her feet, etc?

In case the mother’s horoscope matches with her would-be daughter in-law’s, then under all circumstances, the boy has to say yes!

Superficial Queries. In short fundamental issues discussed are as mentioned below: –

(a) Educational qualification or job or business of both the boy and the girl.

(b) Expectations of girl or boy from their future spouses (in front of everyone). (Now this aspect is just answered in a superficial way. No one will dare to speak out all explicit expectations with their parents since the talking person from both sides is parents, who just talk on every stupid issue, required for the happy family life of the couple.)

Arranged Marriage: A Failed Concept? (Part 3)(c) Future plans of both the girl and boy (that too in front of everyone!).

Money Matters! Now when this issue is finalized then the topic of discussion is diverted to the amount of money to be spent for engagement and marriage ceremony (and dowry too) and who will pay for what?

Its a sort of Bride’s Debt before Arranged First Night (Part 1 and Part 2).

Arranged Marriage: A Failed Concept? (Part 3)Historical Meeting of Girl and Boy. Now when all these aspects are finalized and agreed upon by both the parties, then both girl and boy are asked to spend some time together, alone (maybe a few minutes or hours, depending upon how time has already been spent by both parents talking to each other).

During that time, everyone waits outside, expecting them to hurry up things, as early as possible, since parents on both sides have already agreed with the deals of the day!

marriages

During that time, the girl and boy need to discuss everything and give the final decision (pre-decided even before this historic meeting could start).

Reality. This final meeting is just like President’s rubber stamp, where both girl and boy are briefed beforehand. Only that the answer must be YES!

In case of any difference of opinion from girl or boy or both, then they are forced to find out ways and means to adjust with the other. Dictat is already finalized.

If the parents of the girl and boy are comfortable with each other, then there is no option for both girl and boy to say NO!

Prohibited Topics

The issues which are never discussed but are of utmost importance are as follows:-

(a) Sexual Orientation. In earlier times the girl and boys were supposed (or assumed) to get attracted to the opposite sex.

If the orientation of either one of them or both, are towards the same sex or both sexes, then neither the concerned person will discuss this issue with parents, nor the parents were interested to know anything, regarding their sexual preference.

The assumption in this field is very convenient and simple.

If you are a girl or boy then you are supposed to be attracted to a boy or girl, respectively. 

If you are DIFFERENT, then you better deal with this issue on your own.

marriages

Arranged Marriage: A Failed Concept? (Part 3)Now let us suppose, the girl or boy prefers to remain silent about his or her sexual preferences, then “May God save the spouse!” We are sure that hell will break loose on First Night itself.

Courtesy – YouTube

(b) Online Emotional Attachment. With the cheap smartphone, dirt-cheap internet services and availability of different language options in all smartphones or social media platforms, now most of the people in cities and villages are connected to social media.

Starting from the age of 13, both girls and boys start having partners through various digital social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram etc, where lots and lots of digital dreams of love and digital promises are made.

Once you get involved with someone, even though online or long or both relationships, then any other person can never fit in the mental and emotional selection list of marriage.

Arranged Marriage: A Failed Concept? (Part 3)Even if parents are aware of such online collaboration, during the marriage phase, parents make it noticeably clear with the following statement: –

“My dear son (or daughter)! You will have to marry the daughter (or son) of Sharmaji or Guptaji Only.”

(c) Different Personality/ Physical ChoicesEvery person on this planet is made different. No two girls or boys are the same.

Some girls are attracted to dark coloured males.

Some girls to fair males.

Some girls to males with a lot of body hair.

Some girls to males with less hair.

Now the same rule is applicable for boys too and needs no further explanation.

Example. If a girl is a doctor by profession, then in most of the cases, she will have to settle with the male doctor only.

Some parents will even get emotional over the area of specialization too.

Now let us imagine that a lady doctor with marriageable age is attracted to a fair and hairy male.

But parents, without realizing her choice, finalize someone who is dark and has less body hair.

If such marriage materializes, then that poor lady (doctor) will have to bear with that partner, with unwanted physical attributes (NOT of her choice), throughout her life!

The same rule is very much applicable for males too and many such examples can be seen around your own surroundings.

Actual Scenario

As soon as the girl and boy decide to go ahead for marriage (more in cases of Forced Arranged Marriages), immediately families on both sides swing into action.

A virtual film set starts shooting up.

The girl’s father is by default made the “Producer” of that marriage film.

The boy’s father is the “Director”, who pulls most of the strings.

The boy’s Mother starts preparing herself for a new entry in her life, in the form of Daughter in Law.

The girl’s mother just hides behind the scenes as “Spotboy”. 

The main calculations for the preparations start and have been covered in a separate article.

Last Minute Dowry Demands. In many cases, it’s a routine scenario that right before the wedding ceremony the boy’s parents demand the hefty sum of dowry and car (depends on case to case).

Why?

Because the boy’s family knows that lots of money would have already spent on the preparations of the marriage ceremony and cannot be canceled under any circumstances.

Also, it is a big stigma for the girl and her family, if the marriage is called off by the boy’s family, under any circumstances. So, if the boy or his parents, or both 

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