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In continuation of the article, here we come to part 2 of “Sleep with a Stranger? Arranged Marriage!“, where we will further explore with the concept of Arranged Marriages.
Let’s dive into the topic without wasting any further time.
Just to have more understanding of this issue, let us try to understand life’s experience of one more girl, who got married to an NRI, settled in the United States. She narrated her arranged marriage ordeal live on Amir Khan’s Show “Satymev Jayate”.
Courtesy – Youtube
We came across a girl who belonged to a wealthy family and preferred dark and hairy men when she was young. She wanted to marry an NRI so that she could shift to a foreign country after the arranged marriage.
She kept these wishes as secrets deep inside her heart (In 1979, to discuss such issues was a distant dream).
In 1979, when she was 18 years old, her family started receiving a lot of marriage proposals for her.
Finally, after enough family pressures, she agreed to marry a man ten years older than her, from a comparatively poorer family, who had been working in an African country for the last five years and had returned to India for self-marriage.
Real Reasons. However, the real reason for which she agreed to marry that man was that he was an NRI and his face and hands exposed very dark skin.
Thus, she had good reason to assume that his entire body must dark (and hoped, with fingers crossed, hairy too).
Mutual Alliance. Alliance was established and the date was set.
Everything was going as per both the families’ planning.
The girl’s family was happy that she would get to shift to Africa after the arranged marriage.
The man’s family was happy because they had found a rich match for their son.
A huge amount of dowry, in the form of money, gold, and furniture was offered by the girl’s parents during the engagement ceremony (Part 1 and Part 2).
All ceremonies were conducted well, and they finally got married in November 1979 (To think about love marriage or speak out regarding one’s s*xual preferences was out of the question at that time!).
An enormous amount of money was spent by the girl’s family at all weddings.
First Night’s Surprise. Little did the girl know that a huge surprise was waiting for her on her wedding night.
Left alone in their room, when the man removed his sherwani top, she got the shock of her life.
His skin from below his neck was white as milk and entirely hairless, in stark contrast with his dark face and arms.
When she tried to ask him for the reason behind such a difference in his skin colour, the man laughed in amusement and clarified that while in Africa, he had been on a field job.
Since Africa is a tropical area and naturally extremely hot, his face and arms had become tanned due to excessive exposure to the sun.
The skin that remained shielded by his clothes and shoes remained naturally fair.
The girl almost fainted. Her dream of getting married to a dark and hairy man, crashed to dust, at once.
With her ‘arranged’ husband now standing naked right in front of her, she could not even back out, but just kept quiet.
Somehow, she survived their wedding night, with the only remaining hope that she would soon shift to Africa.
When the issue of a doctor’s consultation and expenses came up, she realized that the man was jobless, having been kicked out of his job in Africa some time ago.
That’s why he had returned to India in the first place. Just because the girl was from a wealthy family and offered a good dowry (which had helped the man’s family marry off his four sisters), he had agreed to marry her.
Here crashed her third dream as well!
Wondering what happened next?
They have been married for thirty-nine years now. Both sets of their parents are now dead. They have grandkids now, but the fight between them is still on.
History of Parents on Both Sides.
We dug deeper into their story and tried to understand the nature of their parents’ marital life as well to understand the problem in a broader sense.
Related stories emerged in their cases too. Fake personalities and social images, lots of assumptions, unclear agreement, confused arranged marriages, dowry, wedding night disasters marked their lives too, yet they allowed it to go on and on!
This article is for those girls (and, to some extent, boys too) who are forced by their parents, to marry an unknown soul and settle for arranged spouses, in the garb of ‘arranged marriage’.
Two sisters with an age difference of one year started getting arranged marriage proposals in their early 20s.
Both were beautiful and smart.
The elder one was a teacher by profession and the younger one had just finished her M.TECH.
They belonged to an extraordinarily rich and conservative family, who were overly sensitive to marriage alliances within the same caste.
A Different Approach. The elder was smart, who was very particular about her career and finally settled down as a school teacher (even though she had failed in class 12th in Science Stream and had to repeat it with Arts Stream.
Why??? (will tell later).
The younger one was better in studies and managed to finish her BTech, followed by MTech.
The younger one very careless about her career, as it was drilled into her mind that she will get married into an affluent family only, where the boy will be either a big businessman or a very high profile Government job like IAS or IPS.
Wedding Bell for Elder. It was decided that first the elder one will be married off, later on, a suitable match will be searched for the younger ones.
It was made very clear to everyone that only affluent families, where the boy is only posted in Government Job at a very high profile, are to approach with arranged marriage proposals.
Dream Proposal. One proposal came from a Judicial Magistrate posted in Gujarat Judicial Services, who happened to be from the same caste and surname.
The boy’s father was also a Judge in District Court and it was assumed to be a dream proposal.
Luckily the boy’s parents were also eager for the elder daughter.
But the girl didn’t show any interest in the proposal and silently conveyed her reply to her father.
Secret Revealed. On being asked by her parents, she revealed that she was in a relationship with a boy (her school mate) since her class 10th and had promised to him for love marriage.
But, he kept this fact as her deep secret, as the boy was from a different caste and not in a government job. That was the reason she had failed in class 12th.
The boy was also average in studies.
After completing class 12th, the boy did his hotel management course and joined as a male air host in esteem private airline.
Family Feud. Hell broke loose and everyone just went off the ground, as thinking about such issues was just out of question. Getting married to a boy or girl of other caste was supposed to be a sin.
After a lot of thinking and argument, the girl’s father finally decided to support her choice and he approached her lover’s parents with a love marriage proposal.
Fortunately, the boy’s parents too had no issue with caste difference.
Reluctantly, the other elders of the girl’s family also agreed for this marriage proposal.
Wedding. They were married off. Since it was InterCast and love marriage, few guests turned up.
Since the ceremony was planned for 2000 guests, whereas only 300 or so turned, lots of money had gone waste.
Financial Support. Also, since the boy was not on high profile job, the girl’s parents willingly gave a lot of cash and other items, so as to allow the couple to settle down without any issue.
But, everyone (including the girl’s parents was doubtful about her successful married life.
Present Life. Since the boy was initially struggling in a professional front, so elder sister decided to work as a teacher and both as combined earning sources are managing their lives in a clever way.
They both are extremely happy and content with life.
Later on, the boy changed over his job to a better one and is now an incredibly happy soul, professionally and financially. In short, they both are building their MARITAL BLOCKS together.
Wedding Bells for Younger One. Then came the turn of the younger ones. This time, the parents asked her too if she is involved with anyone.
She was also given free hand to marry anyone she wanted. Since she was a simpleton and never had a boyfriend, she told her parents to search for a suitable boy for her.
But still, the parents had full doubt that like her elder sister, the younger one would also produce some surprise at the later stage.
Old Dream Proposal, Once Again!!! Again the search for the perfect groom started. The same family from Judicial background (who also approached with the arranged marriage proposal for the elder daughter), approached once again.
This time with an arranged marriage proposal for the younger sister.
Everyone was too happy, as they never thought that this dream proposal will wait for the younger ones.
Everyone was surprised. Still, the proposal was accepted with open arms.
Wedding. Then the marriage happened. Everyone was happy. Since it was the “same caste” marriage, 6000 guests turned up.
Due to money wastage in elder one’s marriage ceremony, this time the parents were not ready for that much crowd. Somehow the event was managed.
A total amount of 1 Crore was burned off in the arranged marriage ceremony, dowry, and other expenses.
Bridal Dreams. Since it was an “Arranged Marriage” (by books), she was not aware of the groom and his family.
The bride started planning for a new stint of her life as a married woman, who will love her husband and look after her in-laws.
Happy days. After arranged marriage and honeymoon, the couple shifted to Gujarat.
After a few months, the girl’s parents went to meet the couple, and everyone was so happy to see the loving couple.
Since he was a judge (which is a very prestigious and powerful post), they had big government allocated houses, servants, vehicles, and lots of power to do important things in life.
Surprise Call. After 6 months of arranged marriage, one day the girl’s father got a call from the younger daughter that her husband had slapped her thrown her out of the house and she was waiting at the airport, not knowing what to do.
This outcome had the approval of his parents too. Without wasting any more time, the father told her to come back by air.
Shrewd Reply. When the father called up her husband, he didn’t talk to him properly and just told him to stop troubling him. The family went in deep shock.
They were expecting this outcome from the elder daughter, but by sheer surprise, this issue happened with the younger ones.
Baby on the way. Once the younger one returned to her home, she informed her parents that she was three months pregnant. Immediately, the father called up the boy and told him about pregnancy.
But he again told him the same thing. Even his parents were not talking properly.
The Panic Button Pressed. Immediately, panic surrounded the family.
Since the boy and his father, both were in judicial services, so fighting a court case against them was an impossible task.
Baby Lost. In the resulting stress and fight, the complications happened in her pregnancy and the baby didn’t survive the pregnancy and died in her womb.
The lady had to be operated upon to remove the dead fetus.
The court is still going on for the divorce proceedings.
Simultaneously, she is preparing for competitive exams to settle down professionally and financially.
But since her husband and father-in-law are inactive judicial service, the case is slightly diverted in their favor.
Some Uncomfortable Questions After reading the above-mentioned real-life incident, we need to find answers to some very difficult and uncomfortable questions:
1. Who was smarter? The elder sister, who in spite of failing in class 12th (Science Stream) and repeating it with Arts stream, somehow managed to attain professional and financial independence, or the Younger sister who in spite of her academic achievements couldn’t manage her professional and financial independence?
2. Was the elder sister wise in marrying off to her lover and somehow managing her life or the younger one, who blindly accepted the arranged marriage proposal without using her brain and had to face marital hardship?
3. Who killed the baby? The circumstances or the husband and his parents?
4. Who is to be blamed for the above-mentioned incident? The younger sister? Her parents? Husband? His parents? or illogical and unrealistic social pressures?
Please leave your answer in the comment box below.
The above-mentioned incidents are a real-life incident and NOT THE ART OF FICTION!
Courtesy – Youtube
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