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Is Arranged Marriage, A Failed Concept? (Part 1)

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Is Arranged Marriage, A Failed Concept?

Introduction

Hello Readers!

Welcome to Explicit Facts! A place where ignited minds come to get inspired!

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Team Explicit Facts has compiled a controversial topic of “Arranged Marriage”, which is going on and on for centuries.

Let’s dive into the topic “is arranged marriage”, a failed concept?” without wasting any time.

Incident 1: Damaged Life!

A month after a 10-year-old boy went missing from near his house in South Delhi’s Bhati Mines, his semi burnt body was recovered from a jungle on 24 December 2020, leading to the arrest of a 22-year-old man. 

Police said that accused wanted to marry the child’s mother, who had turned down his marriage proposal because of his child. 

The accused has been identified as Bittu Singh, a resident of Bhati Mines. 

A woman from the area had reported her son missing from 28 November 2020. The child’s parents had separated and frequently fought over his custody. 

While probing the case, the boy’s highly decomposed body was found in a pond on a ridge near Maidan Gahri on 24 December 2020. 

The child’s parents had identified the body. The interrogation of the child’s parents revealed a new angle in the case. The role of man – a childhood friend of the boy’s mother surfaced in the case. 

It was found that the man was last seen with the child. Bittu Singh was detained for questioning, during which he revealed that he and the child’s mother were close to each other since childhood. 

He wanted to marry her, but her parents married her off to another man. 

While confessing to the crime, Singh said that he again proposed to the woman following her separation from her husband, but she turned down on account of her son. 

From that day on, Singh then planned the murder. On 28 November 2020, he asked the child to accompany him to the jungle area. 

The child knew him and agreed. Singh even bought him new clothes and strangled the boy in the jungle with a gamcha. 

Singh then told police that he threw the body in the pond. But the body floated on top the next day. 

Singh then bought petrol of Rs. 50. fished out the body from the pond and tried to burn it. 

However, this ploy also failed due to wet clothes on the body. 

The accused then returned to the spot once more, stuffed the half-burnt body in a plastic bag, and threw it into the pond. 

Some Explicit and Unanswered Questions. 

Who is the main culprit? The accused Bittu Singh or the mother’s parents, who, despite knowing that their daughter loved Bittu Singh, forcefully married her off to another man? 

Did the lady’s parents gain anything by forcefully marrying off their daughter to an innocent man, who may not be aware of his wife’s love relationship with Bittu Singh? 

We strongly feel that the lady’s parents are fully responsible for pushing Bittu Singh to commit this heinous crime. Like a true gentleman, he silently allowed his lover to get married to someone else. When he saw that even the lady was not happy with her husband and decided to file for divorce, he once again, like a gentleman, offered a marriage proposal once again. 

When she turned down his marriage proposal due to her child, what were the other options left in front of Bittu Singh, who was mad in love?

Real-Life Incident 2

Let’s explore a classic case where a retired High Court Judge, who had worked his whole career to protect the LawLaw, was found to be breaking the LawLaw by indulging in illegal malpractices like “Dowry” harassment. The Judge, along with his son and wife, were involved in physically assaulting his daughter-in-law. 

You need to watch it to believe it.

Courtesy – YouTube

Incident 3: Forced to Commit Crime!

Budding Love. Amar and Ritu (both names changed) studied together in school in Dhanbad since kindergarten but started dating in class XI. 

After class XII, Ritu goes to study Biotechnology, followed by MBA in Noida. 

Amar goes to study Mechanical Engineering in Gwalior and starts working for MNC in Gurgaon in 2010. 

Ritu finished her MBA and joined a company in 2012. 

The two lost touch gradually and remain out of touch until 2015.

Old Flame. They both happened to join a typical school WhatsApp Group after 10 years of separation, which re-ignited their old flame. 

Few messages later, they were madly in love once again and wanted to get married. 

Family or Enemy? But their families refused their love marriage because of a different caste. 

So, Amar gave in to the family pressure and got married to Anita (name changed), who belonged to the same caste, on 23 April 2017 under “arranged marriage”.

On 16 March 19, Anita was found dead in her apartment. It appeared that she had poisoned herself and left a suicide note confirming, she alone was responsible for her death.

Story Unfolds. Days before marriage, Amar told Anita about Ritu, hoping that she would back out. 

But Anita herself was getting married under a lot of family pressure and was afraid to break off the match made by her parents, so their arranged marriage started on a bitter note. 

Anita was willing to let Amar and Ritu remain, friends, if they would end their relationship.

Leading Circumstances. In October 2018, Anita was searching for a job; Amar introduced Anita to Ritu, they talked on the phone, and Anita sent her resume to Ritu. 

This gave Amar a pretext to remain in touch with Ritu and meet her after work. 

However, Anita found out that they were still in love and often fought with Amar about it. 

By January 2019, Amar and Ritu decided to eliminate Anita.

Final Crime. On 16 March 19, after Amar left for office (to avoid suspicion), Ritu met Anita to conclude peace. 

They had breakfast together. After her maid left, Ritu poisoned Anita by adding rat poison in her juice. 

When Anita gaged on poison and tried to rush out of the house, Ritu dashed her head against the wall, after which she fell senseless. 

Then Ritu left a suicide note near her and left that house with juice glasses. 

Later, Ritu called up Amar on WhatsApp’s voice call and informed him about Anita’s death. 

Amar went home, discovered the “suicide”, and took Anita to the hospital. 

Police were informed and started a magisterial inquiry since their arranged marriage was less than 7 years old.

Outcome. The Medical board’s report pointed out head injuries, Amar became suspect no. 1. 

Soon a story of Amar and Ritu was out. The cause of death was “Homicidal”. 

During the investigation, both Amar and Ritu gave conflicting answers and finally confessed to their crime.

Important Questions?

1. Who are the main culprits? Amar or Ritu or both of their parents?

2. Can we blame society, which forced the caste system down everyone’s throat while considering marriage proposals?

3. Can we blame Anita, for accepting this matrimonial alliance, even after knowing the unwillingness of Amar to marry her for the sake of his love for Ritu? Yes.

4. What exactly did Amar and Anita’s parents gain by forcing both to get married to each other just because they belonged to the same caste?

5. Can caste, race, religion, social status, business collaboration, or surname be the ONLY parameter for a man and woman to marry?

Let’s dig further into this grave social issue.

The Bride’s Father: A Great Motivator!

We strongly feel that in case of forced arranged marriages, just before the first night, the father of the bride SHOULD tell his daughter:

arranged marriage

“My dear daughter, although I have never allowed you to talk to any boy you knew throughout your life, but now I am asking you to make yourself comfortable with the man waiting for you for his “First Night“, inside the bedroom.

Although I have always chased after your shadow to make sure that you don’t meet male by yourself, it is now time that I leave you to handle your ‘arranged’ husband, all alone!

Although I have never allowed you to wear short clothes, for the fear that a boy will see too much of your skin, you must now please go inside, remove your clothes and be the most comfortable naked woman in front of your ‘arranged’ husband!

Although I have never allowed you to even touch, let alone kiss or have sex with, another boy and neither your mother nor I have ever discussed a topic related to sex in the house, you now must go in and perform the best sex of your life for the sake of the first night of your arranged marriage!

Today, I will step back from my duty to protect you under the social pressure of getting you married to a man, even though you might not know him properly!

To date, I have taken all the decisions of your life. Now, I am handing you over to him. 

From now on, he will take all the decisions for your life!”

Phew! That was quite depressing.

Parents vs the Unrealistic Society

Firstly, we need to acknowledge that parents never want anything wrong to happen to their daughter or son

Often, society’s excessive pressures and their own experiences since adulthood leads to a situation where both families (the girls and the boys) end up doing something they had never imagined.

arranged marriage

Many a time, its fear in the minds of the girl’s or the boy’s parents as mentioned below: –

“What if our girl decides to marry someone outside of our community or religion? 

How will we face society’s uncomfortable questions?

What if she gets physically involved with someone and gets pregnant before her “arranged marriage”? 

What will society say? 

Who will take responsibility for both? What if the boy refuses to marry her upon realizing her state of pregnancy?

(In case of more than one daughter in the house) What if my elder daughter, who has a Muslim boyfriend, decides to marry him? 

How will society react to it? 

Who will agree to marry our younger daughter/ daughters then?

What if our daughter-in-law doesn’t give us the proper respect and care that we expect from her?

…. and so on.

Roots of Problems. If the present generation is made to go back to the time of their parent’s youth, they’d be surprised to see the type of restrictions that they had to face concerning their parents, particularly their mothers.

Now, the seed sown during their younger days, which has now transformed into a thick-barked tree, cannot be uprooted as they grow old. 

Parents fail to acknowledge the impact of globalization and digital social media that doesn’t differentiate between race, caste, religion, etc.

In fact, in their daughter and sons, such mental insecurities take worse forms. 

Moreover, the modernization and liberalization of people’s social lifestyle include being in live-in relationships, dealing with unwanted pregnancies, contraceptives, etc. When clashes with society’s unrealistic norms, families tend to take drastic preventive steps like forced arranged marriages for their kids.

Bollywood – A Reflection of the Society. Have you ever wondered why a Bollywood movie like “Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge” became the blockbuster of all times? 

Perhaps because every single soul who watched the film could relate his/ her life with the narrative and identify with the characters of Raj and Simran, played by Shahrukh Khan or Kajol, respectively! 

This is how the entertainment industry cashes in on your emotions and makes a fortune out of it. arranged marriage

More Uncomfortable Questions

Before continuing our discussion, let’s answer some uncomfortable but relevant questions: –

1. Which religious book or national constitution dictates parents’ requirement to force their choice or decision regarding their child’s spouse? None!

2. What exactly will your parents gain if you marry someone you don’t know but like? Nothing!

3. Do your parents ever allow you to have a physically intimate relationship with a person before arranged marriage? Not even in your dreams! But in the case of an arranged marriage, the first and the essential activity after completing all wedding ceremonies is the ‘wedding night’! And the following day, everyone is eager to badger you about your experience!

4. Are you comfortable unhooking your wedding gown (let alone your bra), in front of a man who you have met only a few times (or at your engagement for the first time)? Probably not!

5. Even if you are not comfortable carrying out the actions mentioned above, are you left with any choice but to give in? No! Both of you are now married, and an ‘arranged’ husband has the license to do anything. In case you resist, the whole family will corner and gang up on you to convince or reprimand you.

6. If you don’t find yourself comfortable in the situation and decide to raise your voice against it, will anyone come for your help without delay? Chances are, they will not! Everyone will push off to sleep with the assumption that everything will eventually be okay.

7. Will your parents take on the responsibility if your arranged spouse turns out to be a disaster? Probably not

In Indian society, it is drilled into girls’ minds that they are “paraya dhan” (property of the other) and that they will have to survive in their in-Law’s house after an arranged marriage, irrespective of what may happen. 

That’s why most girls stuck in an unhappy marriage are driven towards committing suicide.

arranged marriage

8. Let’s assume that you accept this situation anyway, conform to what is expected of you for the ‘wedding night’, and decides to bond with your ‘arranged’ partner too.

However, what if your partner turns out to be impotent, sexually incapable, or of a different sexual orientation who had decided to remain silent all through the wedding process to avoid social embarrassment?

God save the victim! 

Many girls find themselves stuck in such arranged marriages.

arranged marriage

9. Does anyone from your family bother to discuss or ensure the absence of such issues concerning your arranged partner? No, and never in this life

Parents from both sides discuss everything but the most basic and critical issues, which may affect both the girl and the boy’s marital life.

10. Let us suppose that you eventually realize the grave mistake already committed by your family in deciding to get you married to this person, then what? Nothing

Compromise and carry on!

11. If the girl realizes this mistake but also gets pregnant, courtesy of the wedding night’s historical bonding, then what? 

What choices does she have anymore? 

This situation needs no further explanation.

Courtesy – Youtube

A Living Example

Just to have more understanding of this issue, let us try to understand life’s experience of one more girl, who got married to an NRI, settled in the United States. She narrated her arranged marriage ordeal live on Amir Khan’s Show “Satymev Jayate”.

Courtesy – Youtube

A Lady’s Secrets

We came across a girl who belonged to a wealthy family and preferred dark and hairy men when she was young. She wanted to marry an NRI to shift to a foreign country after the arranged marriage. 

She kept these wishes as secrets deep inside her heart (In 1979, to discuss such issues was a distant dream).

In 1979, when she was 18 years old, her family started receiving many marriage proposals for her. 

Finally, after enough family pressures, she agreed to marry a man ten years older than her, from a comparatively poorer family, who had been working in an African country for the last five years and had returned to India for self-marriage.

Real Reasons. However, the real reason for which she agreed to marry that man was that he was an NRI and his face and hands exposed very dark skin. 

Thus, she had good reason to assume that his entire body must dark (and hoped, with fingers crossed, hairy too).

Mutual Alliance. Alliance was established, and the date was set. 

Everything was going as per both the families’ planning. 

The girl’s family was happy that she would get to shift to Africa after the arranged marriage. 

The man’s family was happy because they had found a rich match for their son. 

In the form of money, gold, and furniture, the girl’s parents offered a massive amount of dowry during the engagement ceremony (Part 1 and Part 2).

All ceremonies were conducted well, and they finally got married in November 1979 (To think about love marriage or speak out regarding one’s s*xual preferences was out of the question at that time!). 

An enormous amount of money was spent by the girl’s family at all weddings.

First Night’s Surprise. Little did the girl know that a huge surprise was waiting for her on her wedding night. 

Left alone in their room, when the man removed his sherwani top, she got the shock of her life. 

His skin from below his neck was white as milk and entirely hairless, in stark contrast with his dark face and arms.

When she tried to ask him for the reason behind such a difference in his skin colour, the man laughed in amusement and clarified that while in Africa, he had been on a field job. 

Since Africa is a tropical area and naturally extremely hot, his face and arms had become tanned due to excessive exposure to the sun. 

The skin that remained shielded by his clothes and shoes remained naturally fair.

The girl almost fainted. Her dream of getting married to a dark and hairy man crashed to dust at once.

With her ‘arranged’ husband now standing naked right in front of her, she could not even back out but just kept quiet. 

Somehow, she survived their wedding night, with the only remaining hope that she would soon shift to Africa.

Within three months of their arranged marriage, she realized that she was pregnant

When the issue of a doctor’s consultation and expenses came up, she realized that the man was jobless, having been kicked out of his job in Africa some time ago. 

That’s why he had returned to India in the first place. Just because the girl was from a wealthy family and offered an excellent dowry (which had helped the man’s family marry off his four sisters), he had agreed to marry her. 

Here crashed her third dream as well!

We were wondering what happened next? 

They have been married for thirty-nine years now. Both sets of their parents are now dead. They have grandkids now, but the fight between them is still on.

History of Parents on Both Sides

We dug deeper into their story and tried to understand the nature of their parents’ marital life and understand the problem in a broader sense. 

Related stories emerged in their cases too. Fake personalities and social images, lots of assumptions, unclear agreement, confused arranged marriages, dowry, wedding night disasters marked their lives too, yet they allowed it to go on and on!

This article is for those girls (and boys too) who their parent’s force to marry an unknown soul and settle for arranged spouses in the garb of ‘arranged marriage’.

Story of Two Sisters: Real-Life Incident

Two sisters with an age difference of one year started getting arranged marriage proposals in their early 20s. 

Both were beautiful and smart. 

The elder one was a teacher by profession, and the younger one had just finished her M.TECH. 

They belonged to a wealthy and conservative family, overly sensitive to marriage alliances within the same caste.

A Different Approach. The elder was bright, was very particular about her career, and finally settled down as a school teacher (even though she had failed in class 12th in Science Stream and had to repeat it with Arts Stream. 

Why??? (will tell later). 

The younger one was better in studies and managed to finish her BTech, followed by MTech. 

The younger one is very careless about her career. It was drilled into her mind that she will get married into an affluent family only, where the boy will be either a prominent businessman or a very high profile Government job like IAS IPS.

Wedding Bell for Elder. It was decided that first, the elder one will be married off; later on, the family will search for a suitable match for the younger ones. 

It was made very clear to everyone that only affluent families, where the boy is only posted in Government Jobs at a very high profile, are to approach arranged marriage proposals.

Dream Proposal. One proposal came from a Judicial Magistrate posted in Gujarat Judicial Services, who happened to be from the same caste and surname. 

The boy’s father was also a Judge in District Court, and it was assumed to be a dream proposal. 

Luckily the boy’s parents were also eager for the elder daughter. 

But the girl didn’t show any interest in the proposal and silently conveyed her reply to her father.

Secret Revealed. On being asked by her parents, she revealed that she was in a relationship with a boy (her schoolmate) since her class 10th and had promised to him for love marriage. 

But, he kept this fact as her deep secret, as the boy was from a different caste and not in a government job. That was the reason she had failed in class 12th.

The boy was also average in his studies. 

After completing class 12th, the boy did his hotel management course and joined as a male air host in esteem private airline.

Family Feud. Hell broke loose, and everyone just went off the ground, as thinking about such issues was just out of the question. Getting married to a boy or girl of another caste was supposed to be a sin.

After a lot of thinking and argument, the girl’s father finally decided to support her choice, and he approached her lover’s parents with a love marriage proposal. 

Fortunately, the boy’s parents, too, had no issue with caste differences. 

Reluctantly, the other elders of the girl’s family also agreed to this marriage proposal.

Wedding. They were married off. Since it was InterCast and love marriage, few guests turned up. 

Since the ceremony was planned for 2000 guests, whereas only 300 or so turned, lots of money had gone waste.

Financial Support. Also, since the boy was not on high profile job, the girl’s parents willingly gave a lot of cash and other items to allow the couple to settle down without any issue. 

But, everyone (including the girl’s parents was doubtful about her successful married life.

Present Life. Since the boy was initially struggling on a professional front, so elder sister decided to work as a teacher, and both as combined earning sources are cleverly managing their lives. 

They both are thrilled and content with life. 

Later on, the boy changed over his job to a better one and is now a pleased soul, professionally and financially. In short, they both are building their MARITAL BLOCKS together.

Wedding Bells for Younger One. Then came the turn of the younger ones. This time, the parents asked her too if she is involved with anyone. 

She was also given a free hand to marry anyone she wanted. Since she was a simpleton and never had a boyfriend, she told her parents to search for a suitable boy for her. 

But still, the parents had full doubt that, like her elder sister, the younger one would also produce some surprise at the later stage.

Old Dream Proposal, Once Again!!! Again the search for the perfect groom started. The same family from Judicial background (who also approached the arranged marriage proposal for the elder daughter) came once again with an arranged marriage proposal for the younger sister. 

Everyone was too happy, as they never thought this dream proposal would wait for the younger ones. 

Everyone was surprised. Still, the proposal was accepted with open arms.

Wedding. Then the marriage happened. Everyone was happy. Since it was the “same caste” marriage, 6000 guests turned up. 

Due to money wastage in elder one’s marriage ceremony, the parents were not ready for that much crowd. Somehow the event was managed. 

A total amount of 1 Crore was burned off in the arranged marriage ceremony, dowry, and other expenses.

arranged marriage

Bridal Dreams. Since it was an “Arranged Marriage” (by books), she was not aware of the groom and his family. 

The bride started planning for a new stint of her life as a married woman who will love her husband and look after her in-laws.

Happy days. After arranged marriage and honeymoon, the couple shifted to Gujarat. 

After a few months, the girl’s parents met the couple, and everyone was so happy to see the loving couple. 

Since he was a judge (which is a very prestigious and influential post), they had big government allocated houses, servants, vehicles, and lots of power to do essential things in life.

Surprise Call. After six months of arranged marriage, one day, the girl’s father got a call from the younger daughter that her husband had slapped her thrown her out of the house, and she was waiting at the airport, not knowing what to do.

 This outcome had the approval of his parents too. Without wasting any more time, the father told her to come back by air.

Shrewd Reply. When the father called up her husband, he didn’t talk to him properly and just told him to stop troubling him. The family went in deep shock. 

They were expecting this outcome from the elder daughter, but this issue happened with the younger ones by sheer surprise.

Baby on the way. Once the younger one returned to her home, she informed her parents that she was three months pregnant. Immediately, the father called up the boy and told him about pregnancy. 

But he again told him the same thing. Even his parents were not talking correctly.

arranged marriage

The Panic Button Pressed. Immediately, panic surrounded the family. 

Since the boy and his father both were in judicial services, fighting a court case against them was impossible.

Baby Lost. In the resulting stress and fight, the complications in her pregnancy and the baby didn’t survive the pregnancy and died in her womb. 

The lady had to be operated upon to remove the dead fetus.

The court is still going on for the divorce proceedings. 

Simultaneously, she is preparing for competitive exams to settle down professionally and financially. 

But since her husband and father-in-law are inactive judicial service, the case is slightly diverted in their favour.

Some Uncomfortable Questions. After reading the above-mentioned real-life incident, we need to find answers to some challenging and uncomfortable questions:

1. Who was more intelligent? The elder sister, who, despite failing in class 12th (Science Stream) and repeating it with Arts stream, somehow managed to attain professional and financial independence or the Younger sister who, despite her academic achievements, couldn’t control her professional and financial freedom?

2. Was the elder sister wise to marry off to her lover and somehow manage her life, or the younger one, who blindly accepted the arranged marriage proposal without using her brain and had to face marital hardship?

3. Who killed the baby? The circumstances or the husband and his parents?

4. Who is to be blamed for the incident as mentioned above? The younger sister? Her parents? Husband? His parents? or illogical and unrealistic social pressures?

Please leave your answer in the comment box below.

The incidents as mentioned above are a real-life incident and NOT THE ART OF FICTION!

A Comical Depiction

Courtesy – Youtube

Continued as… Arranged Marriage: A Failed Concept? (Part 2)

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